What Nonsense!

What a week on the Bachelor!  Just when you think some girl is as good as gone, he shoves his tongue into another girl's face and then sends her to the limo of doom.

First off, why did I have to watch someone cry for over 15 minutes?  Show Ben looking sad, show Elyse whimpering, show Ben walking on the beach, show Elyse sobbing, show Ben wading in the water, show Elyse crying, show Ben's sweaty hair glued to his face, show Elyse bawling...etc, etc...  I can think of more words for 'crying' but in the interest of time, we get it...she was sad!  Who wouldn't be sad?  Living in a mansion in Costa Rica with free food and an excess of booze.  Who cares about Ben, bring on the sweaty drama!  There must have been a combined 35-40 minutes of women crying on this episode.  The good part is, there will only be more!

When it comes to Courtney, I have a lot to say.  Not just to crush Cait's hopes and dreams, but more to expose her inner ugly.  And outer ugly for that matter.  I'm tired of her unibrow.  I'll say it!  She should know how to pluck her eyebrows and keep her face from blinding me with that shine.  Yes, my eyes are sensitive to the light...but still!  Damn she is shiny.  Looking into her eyes is like searching in an empty vessel...nothing to see here!  Whoever is feeding her lines is doing wonders because it actually APPEARS like she has a "personality".  Who knew!  And how many times did she have to awkwardly say 'nightcap' before Ben would get the hint and ask her to show him her tits already.  At this point, he might be gay.  I've seen gay guys kiss girls, you ain't fooling anyone!  It was sweet how Courtney mentioned over and over again how amazing it was to be "all alone" with Ben on the beach naked and loving it.  I mean, don't worry about the collection of cameramen, mike guys, directors on set.  You're still all alone Courtney.  It's so romantic.

Ok so I also despise some of the other girls, aren't I sweet and balanced?  Blakely looks like a drag queen.  Emily is showing her inner-satan a little too early.  Kacie B and Nikki decided to wear their most hideous dresses tonight since they already had roses and he couldn't send them home for their unquestionably awful fashion sense.

Phew, all this shit-talking is working up an appetite.  In conclusion, let's be real folks:  Kacie B and Courtney are the 2 front runners (Sorry Libs...no just kidding I'm not).  But Kacie B is the wife and Courtney is the mistress.  In the end, Ben F will show what kind of a dog he is.  One with class?  Or one chlamydia?